some thoughts regarding december

[chris raettig <chris@raettig.org>]

the opening of my scooby doo advent calendar can mean only one thing..

december has begun, and it promises to be a turbulent month. but hopefully
a fun one, too.. given my uncertainty as to what (or where) i'll be doing
next year, i'm trying to meet up with as many people as possible
pre-christmas. including the now traditional vix/ben/amelia/chrisr fondue
evening. 

my current contract of employment officially ends on 15th december. i can't
yet say anything about what i'll be doing beyond that date. 

because of this flux my movements over the christmas period are yet to
be finalised. what looks likely is that i'll be in york for a couple of
days in mid december, and in cottingham with my family and some friends for 
the few days prior to christmas. (no doubt i shall be holding forth in
o'neills pub in hull city center for at least some of this time, if anybody
cares to join). i'm back in london on boxing day, but beyond that i just
don't know. i have made no plans for new years eve as yet.  

where did 2001 go? it seems to have raced past. it's been a really
eventful year. much of it spent in the surreality of startup land
at pumpernickle [http://www.pumpernickle.net] before lunging into
the even greater surreality of showstudio [http://www.showstudio.com]
on a personal level it has also been undoubtably the hardest of my
life so far. but in many ways the most rewarding. i've had a lot of
fun. i have no regrets.

i'm now looking forward to a smoother 2002. 

as part of working out how i want to sustain myself over the next twelve
months (what i want to do for a living) i've been thinking more broadly
about what i want out of life. there are a few things i want from 2002.
here's the best job i can currently do at summarising those things;

- i want peace and quiet, and some space to be me
this will likely involve moving house, in some way. 

- i want a (slightly more conventional?) relationship
being single or semi-detached have their advantages, and over this year
i have enjoyed being in both of those states. however sometimes i find
myself yearning both to give and receive love. to find a soulmate. to
be emotionally bound once again. maybe 2002 is the time to move on and
open myself to the possibility of that. i know it can't be forced. and
i know that life is surprising. 

- i need a holiday
for various reasons i haven't had a rest all year. sometime early
in 2002 i need to take a holiday. a break. a rest. i need to unplug,
disconnect, hop on a plane. go somewhere to remind myself of what i 
already know... that very little matters. i need to slow down. i need
a major perspective experience. i need to unwind. and i think a change
of environment will help to reinvest me. rejuvenate my passion for life. 

- i want to work towards freedom
the freedom to do radically new things. both in terms of how i sustain
myself, and in working towards my barn dream. this all means reducing
my debts as the first step. which obviously has a bearing on my
immediate work options. longer term i want whatever i do for work to
be entirely in line with my beliefs and philosophies and moral code. 
i want to put my money where my mouth is and become an embodiment of
what i believe. but this will require hard work in preparation. 

- i want to be me
i want to make more time to find out what that means. and i want the
courage to act on my own revelation.

- i want to simplify
i need to normalise a little. i often talk about the benefit of unbalance.
but i think that i want to increase the level of balance in my life. i'm
not quite sure what this will mean yet. 

in short, what i'm looking for is a year built on base principles. the
most fundamental things that are important to me. 


one or two other things whilst i'm here;

1. my sympathies are currently with mr. carline [http://chris.carline.org]
who was a victim of the enron collapse. on a more upbeat note he also provided 
me this weekend with a giggle, in the form of a jpeg snarfed from his evil, 
evil digicam during dan's [http://www.gilberthorpe.net] birthday bash.   

behold; http://chris.raettig.org/closet/lovers.jpg
(dan on the right, myself on the left)

2. i completely failed to think of anything original to say on the subject
for world aids day, yesterday. though i offer a well deserved link to
jon, for the characteristic honesty, openness and maturity of his own
contribution;

http://www.moreawayoflife.org/journal/archive/000424.php#000424

3. i'm likely to abandon icq for the time being given it's current
unreliability. please use email for the majority of communication
at this time.

4. i'd just like to mark the fact that today i wrote the hardest email
i have ever had to write. i don't want to say any more about this at
the moment. i just want to mark the event.

PGP signature